Last week was the Toronto Hot Doc's festival and I was out watching some amazing documentaries. My favourite was Menstrual Man...oh no, did you just flinch? A little? Probably. Definitely, if you are a man. (Don't pretend you didn't, I know you did. But that's okay, because that's what this post is about.)
I told my husband that I was going to Menstrual Man and he made the pucker face...ewww...like some 11-year-old princess-brat. Seriously? He's a doctor. An emergency doctor in a rough end of town. How much blood do you figure he's seen? But holy christ, if it comes out of a woman's vagina -- ewww. And that's about the reaction I got from everyone I said 'Menstrual Man' to. So I said it alot. And then made them listen to the inspiring story of the film (check it out at www.menstrualman.com).
The only person who didn't make a face was my guitar teacher -- who just so happens to be a bona fide rock guy, playing gigs and everything, which means I get to jam with a rocker ever week and that makes me an almost rock chick. I'm not sure what this says about rockers in general -- maybe fearless?-- but I kind of just wanted to work that in.
And that reminded me of another M-word: masturbation. Say it in mixed company, you'll see. Women will be kind of uncomfortable, maybe giggle. Men...they'll be that weird angry/embarrassed combo. I found out about this whole aversion to the word masterbation when I was taking a screenwriting course. We had to write something sexy...there was no masterbating in my scene, just the hint of it with some old-fashioned phone-sex fore-play (because you're supposed to take chances in a writing class). The discussion focused on OMG what if she really did TOUCH HERSELF? Yeah, no one ever said the m-word. In fact the women didn't say a thing.
Because I like things to have a beginning, middle and end, there's word #3: Mommy. Usually said Mawmmy in a really whiny voice. Don't get me wrong, I am a mom. I like being a mom. I just don't like being called Mommy. Like 'aww, don't like it? Go tell your mommy'. I blame Jamie V____
for it (I have to put the V____ in because he comes from that part of my childhood when all kids were called by their first and last names; remember that?). Anyway, during summer all the kids on our street would play Ghosts in the Graveyard until sunset (which was like 10pm, because we were way up north). But then, around 8 or 9 Jamie's mom would start to call, "Jaaaayyymie....Jaaaayyymie..." . And he'd ignore it. Then some kid would turn around and say, "Hey Jamie, your mommy's calling." To this day, I don't like to be called Mommy even by my beloved daughter.
So, three M-words, that almost no one likes. But why? They're ours. Menstruation, Masturbation, Mommy. Two of them we do. One of them we are...or about to celebrate this coming weekend. So I say it's time for a change. And, drawing on the timeless and inspirational words of Carrie Fisher (aka Princess Leia) in VF's Proust questionnaire, when asked about her personal motto: "FUCK THAT SHIT" Words to live by.
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